I started a blog when I first got married, where I would write about anything and everything.
I wasn't very faithful to it, and most of my posts were not that good, but there were a few that I really liked, so I decided to share them here!
Have you ever found a book that instantly makes you think of yourself? A book where, when you meet the characters, you instantly feel a relationship with them because you are so similar? Suddenly you aren't reading a book, but journeying with a friend; someone you care about and can relate to.
That is how I felt when I saw Karen Witemeyer's novel, Head in the Clouds, on the shelf in the library I used to worked at. The title alone drew me in, as I had often been told that my head was in the clouds, or in a book. I read the back cover of the novel. The first line sealed the deal, "Adelaide Proctor longs to find a real-life storybook hero to claim as her own." (Witemeyer, 2010). That was what I wanted! I immediately began reading the book, and fell more in love as I learned that Adelaide also loved Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice. She was looking for romance, that fairytale love, that happily ever after. Throughout the course of the novel, as I journeyed with my new friend, I understood and related to her in a way that I hadn't understood or related to a fictional heroine before.
I have read this book several times, and with each reading, something new stands out to me. The sixth time I read it, Adelaide's struggle at the beginning of the book made me reflect on a struggle that I am currently going through in my own life.
In the first couple chapters, Adelaide believes herself to be in love with a travelling book salesman, and she leaves her aunt, friends, and job behind to chase after him. When she arrives in Fort Worth, Texas, she realizes that Henry Belcher has a wife and son. She was tired of waiting for her happily ever after, so she took matters into her own hands, and it did not work out in the way that she had expected.
"Her head fell forward as she curled into herself. 'Why has God abandoned me?' She knew He never promised His followers a trouble-free life, but He did promise to always be there for them. So why wasn't He? Why was He silent?" (Witemeyer, 2010, pg. 23)
Adelaide wasn't patient. She was tried of waiting for God. She forgot that God's plan for us is so much greater than what we could ever plan for ourselves. After her time of grief over the loss of her dreams, Adelaide realized that she wasn't in love with Henry, but in love with the future and the dream that he represented. Marriage, children, love. She still wanted those things, but when she took a step back, she was able to see that Henry wouldn't have made her happy.
The struggles that I am facing in my own life are similar to Adelaide's. She wanted love and family. I want children. I can't move to another town to fulfill my dream, like Adelaide tried to do, so instead, I become melancholy and jealous when I see people who have what I want. I get angry and upset with God. I feel like Adelaide. Why has God abandoned me? Why isn't He here? Why is He silent? Does He hear my prayers? Why are others blessed with my greatest wish, while my prayers have yet to be answered?
There are some things that I can do to help my situation, (and I am doing all I can), but I am still not waiting happily. I am not waiting patiently, knowing that God will work things out for His good. I am frustrated. I am tired. Tired of waiting and tired of praying with no immediate sign or answer.
"The cloud still lingered outside. Why did she get the feeling it was there for her benefit? The flutter in her heart returned, stronger this time. God had used clouds to guide His people in the past. Perhaps He meant to do so again?" (Witemeyer, 2010, pg. 25)
God is often using signs to help His people understand His message. It can be so difficult to see these signs, but when we notice them, we can see God's plan for our lives a bit better. Of course, not everyone is going to have a cloud to help lead them through life. I certainly don't have a cloud to follow. But when I take a step back from my struggles, take a step away from my bitterness and jealousy, I can understand some of the reasons why God is making me wait.
One example of that is that when my husband and I got married, he had only just finished school, and I still had a semester to go until I was done my degree. With no jobs lined up for either of us, we wouldn't have been able to afford to raise a child right off the bat. Even now, there are ups and downs financially as we start our lives together.
There are surely many reasons that only God knows about why I'm not a mother yet. God has a better plan for us than we have for ourselves. Once during daily Mass, the Old Testament reading stood out to me. In Jeremiah 18:1-6, the prophet goes to the potter's house and watches as he molds the clay. Perhaps God is still molding me, smoothing out my faults. Perhaps God is wanting me to be perfect before He bestows other gifts on me.
Ever since my first reading of the novel, I have admired Adelaide's faith and trust in God. Adelaide, once she realized her mistake of not waiting for God, immediately takes the time to kneel before the Lord.
"God forgive me for my impatience. I saw what I thought I wanted, and when You made no move to give it to me, I took matters into my own hands. I wasn't content, and I didn't trust You enough to wait.... I've really make a mess of things, haven't I? I need you more than ever, now. Show me where to go, what to do. And please give me enough faith to follow you even when I can't see where the path is leading." (Witemeyer, 2010, pg. 25-26)
Instead of becoming upset about not having my prayers answered immediately, or in the way I want them, I need to follow Adelaide's example and kneel before the Lord. I need to trust in God's timing. I need to wait for God's plan to unfold. I need to accept the fact that what I want may not happen. I may never be a mother. But no matter what occurs in my life, I can't stop trusting in God.
Following her "husband-hunting debacle", Adelaide resolves to fully trust in God, and to never move forward without praying first. She takes time to put her choices in God's hands, and more importantly, she takes the time to listen to Him. When (spoiler) she is proposed to later in the novel, she doesn't give an immediate answer. She goes outside to pray, to listen, to wait for God to reveal His plan for her. Her patience greatly pays off, and at the end of the novel, she is happier than she has ever been. She is right where God wants her to be.
"For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future of hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)
This bible passage has gotten me through so many difficult days. "To give you a future of hope." Hope! Wait! Trust! It sounds so easy. So simple. And although it does require work and effort, it is simple. God never promised that our lives would be easy. We will face struggles in our lives, but He will never give us more than we are able to handle. The only way to get through these moments is to hope, wait and trust in Him.
Opmerkingen