I started a blog when I first got married, where I would write about anything and everything.
I wasn't very faithful to it, and most of my posts were not that good, but there were a few that I really liked, so I decided to share them here!
I often feel jealous.
I want what others have.
Clothes, books, movies, shoes, etc.
Possessions. Objects.
"He'd seen firsthand what damage such temptation could do to a woman, to a family. Females fawned over Parisian designs until they were no longer content with their lot in life. They looked down on their menfolk for not being able to provide for them in the manner in which they believed they were entitled. And those that did have the funds for such opulence lorded it over those who didn't."
(Witemeyer, 2010, pg. 29)
I was reading one of my favourite books for the sixth time when I came to this paragraph near the beginning of the novel. I had to stop reading and put my book down. This paragraph hit me hard. I've read this book multiple times, and I've never been affected like this before. Why is it now that this passage means something to me?
In Karen Witemeyer's book, A Tailor Made Bride (2010), Jericho "J.T." Tucker struggles with his past, particularly the memories of his mother. His father fell in love with a beautiful woman who was years younger than he was. She loved being beautiful, and would constantly spend her husband’s merger earnings on dresses, bonnets, shoes, etc. When she couldn’t have what she wanted, she would pout in her room, or make a big fuss. Eventually, she left her husband and two children, to become a mistress to a railroad surveyor. Since then, although his father drilled into his head that all women should be treated with respect, J.T. grew up with a dislike for beautiful women and their fancy possessions.
Now, I know that I am not ever going to leave my husband if he can’t buy me everything I want. I know that I can’t have everything, but I believe this passage is important for me to hear. Later in the novel, J.T. tells Hannah:
“I know that most women would never abandon their families like my mother did, but discontent and selfishness can spread their poison, too, doing just as much damage. The Lord might see value in beauty, but He cares more about a person’s heart than the beautiful shell that houses it.”
(Witemeyer, 2010, pg. 146-147)
I have always struggled with my appearance. Growing up, I was the tallest (well, not anymore), and the biggest of all my siblings. My mother was a couple inches shorter than me, but she was always very skinny. The two sisters right after me were also tall and skinny, and the three of them (my mom and two sisters) would often share clothes and shoes - things that didn’t fit me.
Not only was I the largest sibling, but I would have people tell me that I was going to become fat and overweight when I grew up. I’m in my twenties now, and although I am not fat, I am not overly skinny. The message that I am ugly has been planted in my mind since I was little, so to counteract that, I look to clothes, makeup, hairstyles, shoes to make me happy.
I don’t like clothes shopping. I love wearing dresses, but it is so hard to find nice dresses that are modest enough for my height. I don’t like wearing a ton of makeup, but I can’t go a day without wearing any. I like having my hair look good, but I’m not very good at doing it, and it frustrates me when my hair is a mess (which is more often than not).
I mention this to give you a glimpse into my past, so my current struggles are more understandable, as I try to live my life for Christ, instead of for the world.
Looks have always been important growing up. Many of the women in my life are focused on their looks. Their hair needs to be perfect. Their makeup can't be smeared or smudged. Their clothes need to match and show off their figure.
Please don't misunderstand me. These ladies are amazing people, and I am lucky to know them and have them in my life. But we aren't perfect. Each of us sin, and this is one area in which I sin, one area that I need to get better in.
While I don’t spend all of my money on clothes, makeup, etc., I am still guilty of jealousy, discontentment, and selfishness. I am acting like J.T.’s mom, but in a different way.
I compare myself to my sisters. I compare myself to my mom. I compare myself to the models and actresses I see on TV and on the internet. I want the nice, beautiful clothes. I want the expensive makeup. I want the fancy shoes. Sometimes, I get upset with my lot in life, upset that I’m not skinnier, upset that I can’t afford to buy the clothes I want. I look at those around me, and I am jealous. And more often than not, I can’t seem to stop it. I look at what others have that I don’t instead of trying to improve myself, and I don’t often look to my faith to help me.
In Witemeyer's novel, J.T. automatically dislikes the new seamstress, Hannah Richards, because of her occupation. He sees her chosen profession as a stumbling block for the ladies of their town. After hearing this, Hannah doesn’t sit in her room and get angry. She turns to her Bible. She turns to God’s Word to help her improve herself and her business.
That is what we all need to do when faced with the struggles in our lives. I think about my appearance to the point that I know I am vain. I want the world to see my as pretty, as beautiful, as worthy. I am looking for worldly praise and happiness, instead of searching for my happiness in the one place that I know I will find it.
For Hannah, she found balance from women in the Bible, between the businesswoman, Lydia, who sold fine cloth, and Dorcas, who was praised in her community for serving the poor and widows. For me, when I read passages about the beauty God created, how each of us are made in His image, made special by Him, I find comfort.
"So God created humankind in His image."
Genesis 1:27
"I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
Psalm 139:14
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son."
John 3:16
God loves us with a Father's love. A perfect, undying love. He loves us despite our blemishes, our faults, our failures. God sees beauty in all of His creation, and even if we don't see it ourselves, God doesn't make mistakes.
J.T.'s anger ends when he himself reads the Bible, and learns about how women in the bible were praised for being beautiful, successful and faithful. He realizes that God created all things, and while a person's quest for beauty can lead to vanity and discontentment, that beauty in and of itself is a wonderful thing.
It is so easy in our society today to focus on the negatives, on the things we don't have. When the world tells us that we need to look and act a certain way to be accepted, it can be easy to fall into the trap of temporary happiness. It is only in God that we can find true, everlasting peace. It is through faith, and in the reading of the Bible, that we can leave the world's fake happiness behind, and truly live our lives for God.
When I forget about the beauty that God has given to me, I think about one of my favourite, traditional Christian hymns:
"For the beauty of the earth,
For the beauty of the skies,
For the love which from our birth,
Over and around us lies.
Lord of all to You, we raise,
This our gift of grateful praise."
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