This Series will focus on marriage. I will share some of the ups and downs that my husband and I have gone through, things we have learned, and advice that we have been given that I think is beneficial for others to hear!
When you’re a kid, and you are picturing your future, you rarely think that things won’t go as you imagine them. Even as you grow older, you have plans for your life, and sometimes you don’t think about the fact that not everything will go according to your well thought out plans.
That’s the way of life though.
Things don’t always go as planned. And that goes for marriage too.
When couples get married, the people around them will have expectations, whether good or bad, vindictive or well-meaning. Speaking from my experience of marriage, after you get married, and especially after you’ve been married for a while, people will start asking when you are planning to have children! It’s the logical next step. “First comes love, then come marriage, then come Nathan pushing the baby carriage.” (Anyone else remember that little rhyme that kids used to recite?) It’s logical for people to expect babies after marriage. Right? But what if things don’t go as planned?
What if things don’t go as planned once you’re married? You can’t get out of it; it’s too late! You are married to your spouse, for better or worse. What do you do? What happens when life throws a wrench in your well laid plans?
(**Just so we are on the same page, while Catholics believe that marriage is for life, I am not saying that people should stay in abusive relationships, or things like that. That’s not what I am talking about in the post. I’m speaking about when things like my condition come up in marriage. How do you handle that. Does that make sense? I hope so!**)
I always thought marriage would be so easy! I grew up reading a lot of fairytales and happily ever afters. And while marriage can be fun and wonderful, it is also a lot of work! And those days will come when you need to put more work in than usual, or maybe put in most of the work.
When I was planning my wedding, do you think I was also dreaming about my future children? Of course I was! I have wanted to be a mom for most of my life (although I went through a phase where I didn’t want kids because my younger siblings were so annoying!), and I’ve been dreaming of my kids for as long as I can remember! Do you think I was also thinking about the possibility that I couldn’t have kids? Nope! That never once even crossed my mind! So when it became a reality for me, I was shocked and I didn’t know how to handle it. How do you prepare for things that you didn’t think would ever happen?
You can’t.
It’s as simple as that!
We don’t know what God has in store for us, and no matter how hard we try, we will never be able to see into the future. That’s not a gift God gave us! So we can never know what trial or joys will happen in our lives. But that is why prayer is so important!
If we keep our faith strong, we will be able to handle anything that comes our way. That isn’t to say that we will be all smiles and sunshine when bad things happen, but it means that we will be able to find comfort in the fact that God’s plan is so much bigger than anything we could imagine.
In those tough times, we can hardly ever see God’s hand working things out for our good. Even now, I have a hard time seeing God’s plan and love for me when I am at my lowest. But He is always there. Maybe these hard times are a way to test our faith in God, to help us grow closer to Him. Maybe they are a way for us to evangelize to those around us. Maybe they are ways for us to slow down and take a step back from a path God doesn’t want us to pursue.
No matter what the reason is, God never lets bad things happen just so bad things can happen. Yes, God gives us free will to make our own choices, but He also brings things in, or takes things out, of our lives so that we can love Him more.
Growing up, my family loved to watch the “Love Comes Softly” movie series, and I enjoyed reading some of Janette Oke’s other books. If you haven’t seen the movies, check them out! They are cheesy, but they are all romantic, Christian based, and wonderful! Anyway, in the first movie, “Love Comes Softly,” Clark Davis says one of my favourite quotes of all times, (and if you’ve heard me give talks at retreats, you’ll probably remember me saying this quote before). Clark says:
“The truth of God’s love is not that He allows bad things to happen, it’s His promise that He will be there with us when they do.”
Isn’t that so beautiful?
I repeat that to myself all the time, and it helps me gain a little bit of perspective on my life. God never promised us that our lives would be easy or care-free… far from it! He told us that things would be difficult, but He promises us that He will never leave us.
So whether the difficult moments in your life are as simple as burning dinner for guests, or something more personal, like not being able to have kids, God is always with you! Maybe He is trying to tell you that you need to lean on Him more, and rely on yourself less. I’ll admit that I have a really hard time with that; giving up my suffering and relying fully on God. It isn’t an easy thing, but even if we try a little bit, and strive to give more and more to God each day, He’ll be happy, and we will feel so much better.
So no matter what you are going through, when things don’t go the way that you have planned them, don’t fret too much! God wants to carry your burdens for you, and for you to lean on Him. And honestly, that is the best place to put our worries - in His arms.
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